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April 2007 Newsletter: Dads and daughters
On the tube from Richmond to Barons Court with the commuters pressed together, plugged into their iPods and I notice a fresh-faced little girl of five or six giggling and clutching her father’s hand. By the way they are dressed, I assume that he’s off to work and she to school. It’s not the most common sight at 8.00 in the morning yet it’s a welcome one.
The day before a client said: “I’m sad that I was so busy travelling and building up this business that I never saw my daughter grow up.” He’s a successful entrepreneur, millions in the bank and several smart cars on the drive. “I missed out so much on her childhood and so did she.” My client woke up to realise he didn’t want to make the same mistake twice and with the arrival of his younger son, twelve years later, is now taking more time to be with the family each week.
Watching the dad and his daughter cuddling up together on the train, reminds me that when our first daughter was born, my husband’s words to me were: “She’s so beautiful – it’s just like falling in love all over again.” The magic of a newborn child takes some beating. Yet holding on to that magic in the face of the pressures of holding down your job and earning your living can be challenging.
As a working mother, I looked for flexible ways to work so that I could be involved with my children’s education and spend time with them before and after school. I didn’t always get the balance right. On many days, I’d be manically trying to cook pasta with one hand while chasing suppliers and deadlines on the phone. Or I would sit distracted in meetings on sunny afternoons wishing I were at home playing with my children in the garden.
If I have any regrets now that my children are older, it’s that I was so good at focusing on one or two steps ahead - what needed to happen the next day or week, that it reduced my attention with them in the moment. Maybe that’s why the idea of grandchildren becomes so appealing for the future – pure play without the responsibility of paying the mortgage or the pressure of chores to be done right now.
The Easter holidays are coming up. So here are three ideas to play with this month:
First, if you are a parent, schedule some time to down tools and get out with your children. Give them 100% of your attention in the moment (they don’t have to be young kids for you to have fun together).
Second, if you employ people with children or work with others who have, bear in mind that school holidays can add huge pressures to those juggling work and childcare responsibilities. See what extra flexibility you can offer.
Third, if you have friends with children and none of your own, how might you enjoy some playtime yourself? What experiences can you offer where you both benefit? Maybe see a movie or head to Monkey World?
In Chapter 17 of Building Confidence for Dummies, we write about “Encouraging a Space to Play”; that play allows the space to fool around and experiment, which is essential for raising confident children. What we tend to forget is that grown ups need time to play too, and that we all win when we take time to connect.
With Easter beckoning, give yourself a break too.
Best wishes
Building Self-Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts
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