|
August 2007 Newsletter: Standing on
your head and other risky business
This
Confidence newsletter is sent each month to subscribers of
www.yourmostconfidentself.com from Kate Burton and Brinley Platts,
the authors of "Building
Confidence for Dummies" and creators of the Your Most Confident Self
website.
Standing on your head and
other risky business
You may laugh at me (Kate) this month for telling you that I’ve recently done
something I’ve never done in my life before. It may be something that you find
really easy. Now I’ve done it, I’d agree. It’s quite simple and what was the
fuss about? So, first let me ask a question. Have you ever had the situation
where you want to do something that appears to be perfectly possible when you
think about it logically? Yet there’s something intangible, illogical, stopping
you?
For several months I was getting cross with myself at 9.00am each Saturday
morning. Everyone in my yoga class seemed to be standing on their heads,
effortlessly, while yours truly here was struggling to achieve lift-off. “Don’t
worry,” said teacher Sam. “It’s a mind thing. Once you have the confidence,
you’ll be able to do it.”
“What?????” I thought. “I’ve written a book on this (well, half a book. Brinley
wrote half too.) I should have the confidence to do this.” I was curious about
what was happening for me and what I could do next. I had mastered a
mini-version of the posture years ago. I could put my head on the floor, bend my
arms and pop my knees up to balance comfortably on my elbows. That was easy.
However, each time I thought about taking this further into the full headstand a
physical sense of panic welled up inside me. Then the thoughts: “what if I fall?
Will I damage my neck? This could be dangerous. What if I make a fool of
myself?” At the same time I was feeling frustrated and comparing myself to
others as I looked around the room. “Were they younger, fitter, been doing this
for years longer than me?”
Now, getting cross with oneself and competitive at yoga is not the idea. “Relax.
Keep calm. Breathe. Let it just happen,” said one voice inside me. Another
danced around, taunting: “so, what kind of coach are you when you can’t tame the
voice in your own head?”
I turned to super Bob, my other half, for help. After all, he’s fit and
flexible. “Mmm. Would it would help if you were lighter?” he asked. “Thanks a
lot. That’s really useful.” I said, hissing through my teeth.
Knowing that I work best to deadlines, I set a goal with a completion date of 20
September to do this. That’s when I’m off for a week’s retreat in Greece. Then I
pondered the ideas of Tim Gallwey, coaching supremo and author of the Inner Game
books, who argues that it’s scary and liberating at the same time to be
vulnerable. This is essential to our self-growth. I agree with that sentiment.
When I take risks, great things happen.
Gallwey’s philosophy is that our performance in any situation equals our
potential less any interference. Interference in performing at our best often
shows up in the form of the inner noisy critical voice that stops the
unconscious mind, which naturally knows the answers, to relax and do its stuff.
Gallwey advocates not trying to fix things, but getting ourselves out of our own
way. When coaching in tennis he encourages players to watch one detail like the
way the ball is spinning rather than focusing on how to hit a winning sliced
backhand. Similarly when coaching someone to drive a golf ball, he’d advocate
forgetting about where the ball needs to go and simply paying attention to the
rhythm of the swing by chanting “top, hit, back” as you swing the club through
its natural arc.
Back to my yoga class: with the practical help of Yvonne, another member of the
group, I did it. I stood on my head for the first time ever. She moved me a
little closer to the wall so I could feel my back against it, and suggested I
walk up and then just lift my legs up while she stood by to catch me if I fell.
Once I’d done it once, I practised a few times at home, and then again in class
the next week. What was the fuss about? It feels very light.
Certain things shifted for me to make this possible:
1. I set myself the goal to do it - and posted a reminder note
on the fridge door.
2. I asked for help from several people until I found the best
“mentor” to support me.
3. I took a risk and pushed myself beyond what felt
comfortable.
4. I found the part of myself that trusts myself. The voice
that says: “Come on, you can do this. Do it now.”
Other lessons emerged too:
1. The risk was nothing like as great as I expected – I was
85% there already.
2. The person who had recently learnt how to do this proved to
be a much more empathetic mentor than the ‘experts’.
3. Once I did this, other possibilities opened up. Now I know
there will be other things that I haven’t yet mastered that I’m building up the
strength to do too.
So our inquiry for you this month (you must have seen this coming!) is to ask
you to consider an activity that you want to do even though part of you is
getting in the way. Perhaps you can feel the panic rising as you even consider
what you’d really, really like to change.
- What risk will you take where you just kick-off a bit higher and let yourself
be vulnerable.
- Who will you ask to help you? Choose someone who still appreciates what it’s
like to be in your L-plate learner’s shoes.
- And when you’ve done this what else might improve for you? How will your
confidence grow?
As always, we’d really like to hear how you get on. Have fun and be curious.
Best
wishes
Kate and Brinley
kate@kateburton.co.uk
Building Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts
Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies by
Romilla Ready and Kate Burton
Privacy policy: We will never rent, trade or sell our email list to anyone. You
will never get an unsolicited email from a third party as a result of joining
our list.
New readers are always welcome, please register at
www.yourmostconfidentself.com
© All text in this newsletter is copyright to Kate Burton and Brinley Platts at
www.yourmostconfidentself.com. Feel free to pass it on to others and if you’d
like to quote us in your own publications, all we ask is that you credit it to
ourselves and give our website details.
|
|
