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February-March 2009 Newsletter: Our
top tip for becoming more confident Last month, out of the blue, a journalist made contact. She was writing an article on building self confidence for Successful Living magazine and she wanted our top tip for becoming more confident, and how it would work. What an irresistible challenge! From all the dozens of tools and tips in Building Self-Confidence for Dummies what one single thing would make the biggest difference in any situation?
At this point you might want to pause and think about your own view so you can enter our competition below. If you don’t have a clear answer, you could maybe rephrase the question into: “what’s the one thing you wish you could have, or change, or do that would make the biggest difference to you in becoming the most confident version of yourself you could possibly imagine?”
This is not something Kate and I have ever discussed but I’m very clear what my own view is on this. For me it is “purpose”.
So, my single top tip for becoming more confident relates to the reason you want to do something, the “why”. You see most of us confuse the feeling of unfamiliarity (sometimes leading to awkwardness or nervousness) with a lack of confidence. In our book Kate and I make this distinction right at the beginning and point out that true self-confidence in these situations means you press on and do what is necessary despite the discomfort (Susan Jeffers based her great book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, on this single point). Soon what was unfamiliar becomes familiar and no longer holds the same horrors.
At the moment of decision that first time, the reason you’ve identified for doing what is scaring you is all important. A big enough reason “why” you want to do it will conquer almost any fear. That’s why figuring out why you want it, what you’ll win if you do, and what you’ll lose if you don’t, can make a massive difference.
As I write this I still don’t know what Kate decided her top tip would be. Let’s pass over to her and see what she came up with.
[Kate] I think Brin is spot on with connecting with your sense of purpose, finding the why you doing all this because that gives you the persistence to create your own successful life.
For me, the tip I’d add is the importance of doing things your own way, taking your own route – finding what fits for you. So, while it may be tempting to follow a particular career model, investment model, or type of relationship, for example, that works for others, trust that it’s OK for you to take your own path in your own way.
Trust is the key word here; you should trust yourself to be the only one who can really know what you want. While it’s good and interesting to make comparisons with role models and gurus, friends and family, take the bits that work, put your own flavour to them but in the end let other people’s directions go.
Wow, [Brin here again] I thought I had nailed it but Kate is right too. Is this the yin and the yang of confidence I wonder? I’m all for the masculine, go get it approach, and Kate is highlighting the importance of reflection, preparation and authentic action. Is this something that women have more of a problem with? It is certainly something we can all benefit from.
So I’m left with a couple of thoughts. First, there is no simple panacea to becoming totally confident. Life is too complicated and we are each so different, formed by our unique genetics and the million of things that have shaped our personalities. Second, wouldn’t life be boring if this were not the way it is? Or worse, if we were all out there grabbing what we want life would quickly become intolerable.
What do you think? We’d like you to share and Kate is offering to exchange a signed copy of our book for each of the first five entries we receive. Have a go!
RSVP - Brinley & Kate
Building Self-Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts
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