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July 2006 Newsletter: Be myself?
You've got to be kidding!
This
Confidence newsletter is sent each month to subscribers of
www.yourmostconfidentself.com from Kate Burton and Brinley Platts,
the authors of "Building
Confidence for Dummies" and creators of the Your Most Confident Self
website.
Be myself? You've got to be
kidding!
It's July already, exams are over and summer holidays are just around the
corner. For many young people, those leaving school and college, it is also a
time of personal transition as they face the challenge of real work and career
for the first time. This can put a great strain on their self confidence as they
face the daunting prospect of working out what they want, making the initial
approach, preparing for interviews and so on. The most common advice we tend
offer them at this time, "just be yourself and you'll be fine", can be very
unwelcome as we see our friends and children desperately trying to turn
themselves into someone else: someone they imagine is more likely to impress the
interviewer than they are. This can be the first, "excusable" step on a career
journey that leads to nowhere.
Being "yourself" is one the most basic of your human rights and one that is
constantly under threat; you need to take it seriously. When you begin to feel
that you are not good enough, that others find you wanting, or that you don't
match up to some version of yourself that you want to put out into the world,
the answer is always to give more of your real self to the world not less.
That's why we spend so much time in our book, "Building Confidence for Dummies",
in helping you to work out who you really are and how you truly want to be in
the world. Once you know this you have the clarity and the energy to be powerful
and confident in ways that are consistent with your greater goals.
But if that weren't enough, being powerfully "yourself" in this authentic way
carries another enormous benefit. It is the version of you that is the most
influential, charismatic and attractive to other people. It's the message at the
heart of all good leadership development, the foundation of relationship counselling
and the core of family therapy. It seems that knowing yourself, owning who you
are, standing up for your rights, and being yourself in the most powerful way
you can be, have tremendous social implications. It's hardly surprising that
human beings, social animals who have evolved in small groups and tribes, value
personal integrity and character above almost anything. It has survival value,
it describes the leaders we want to follow. It also describes the people we fall
in love with.
In work these days "why would" courses are very voguish ("why would anyone want
to be led by you?", "why would an investor trust you with their money", and so
on). I can't speak for the quality of the courses but the questions are a
challenge to those people who don't ever seem to lack confidence and yet don't
enjoy the success they are seeking. These people, I contend, got started in
their careers on the wrong foot, and lost touch with their authentic selves at
some earlier stage. They need to be reminded that whatever success they have
achieved will be limited if they don't regain the connection with their true
source of power inside. It'll make them better, nicer people too: the kind of
people we don't mind being led by.
As a treat, I'm signing off with some special holiday reading for you. Kate and
I have written quite a bit about confidence in romantic relationships and we've
come across a little gem written by one of the founding fathers of personal
development, Wallace D. Wattles, in the 1920s. I've added his essay "Winning
Love" to the website and it fits exactly this philosophy of being yourself and
expressing yourself as powerfully as you can in the world. To do anything else
is counter productive and self defeating - so take heart! You're okay, you've
always been okay and many of those around you are just waiting for you to wake
up to it. Be yourself, enjoy yourself.
Best
wishes
Kate and Brinley
brinley.platts@btinternet.com
Building Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts
Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies by
Romilla Ready and Kate Burton
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