June-July 2008 Newsletter: Nowhere to go, nothing to do

This Confidence newsletter is sent each month to subscribers of www.yourmostconfidentself.com from Kate Burton and Brinley Platts, the authors of "Building Confidence for Dummies" and creators of the Your Most Confident Self website.

Nowhere to go. Nothing to do.
 

“Let everything be OK. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. At home in the body.”

From my yoga mat, Stephen Cope’s voice is deliciously calm. His yoga CD delivers the promise on the box: ‘Nurturing the body Soothing the soul.’ The running time for the CD is 70 minutes and I manage three early morning sessions this week with the doors open to the garden and sun filtering in. I put my mat on the floor, clear the space, take them time, and release energy. By doing very little, I feel wide awake are raring to go.

Not every day starts like this. On Wednesday, it rains. I don’t get up as early as planned and there’s an A4 length ‘to do’ list on my desk. I could take the 70 minutes but just now it feels too indulgent and the agitated voice in my head wins to ‘get on with the work’.  Looking at the list logically, everything involves commitments I’ve made to others, and there’s nothing that can’t wait an extra hour. I remind myself that time for my health needs to figure top on that list if I’m to stay healthy for others. Hard though it feels, I challenge myself to block out the yoga time as the top priority.

All last week, clients shared with me their ‘time management’ challenges and frustrations. Their diaries are booked back to back for them by others fixing meetings, they are working 12 to 15 hour days on important initiatives while others around them stick to the 9 to 5.  There is no space for themselves. By Friday night, when I was ready to chill out, even Bob, my normally relaxed husband, refuses to close down his laptop on a business critical project saying: “We’re running late.  I have to do this.”  

At busy times, the appeal of ‘Nowhere to go. Nothing to do,” is enticing. The discipline of reminding yourself to clear space for yourself as you go along can be tough – mentally and physically. Yet unless you hold space for yourself on the way, bad habits win through; smoking, drinking and bad eating habits creep in under stress and health suffers.

As coaches, Brinley and I know that we work best with our clients from a ‘know nothing’ space. This involves looking after our energy, creating clean gaps between meetings so that we arrive clear headed, focused and open to whatever is happening. This is an essential discipline to give the best work we can.

For those amongst you who think yoga and meditation is ‘pink and fluffy’ stuff for the girls, just give it a go. More and more ‘real’ business people, especially men are introducing yoga and meditative practices into their day to day lives and getting the benefit of creating mental space and physical well-being. This in turn leads to better ‘results’.

In Stephen Cope’s wonderful book “Yoga and the Search for the True Self,” he says that as we get more experienced at yoga and meditation we get more realistic that we're not on a journey to a state of permanent bliss… (Ah, shame!) What we actually achieve is a 'new freedom for well-considered and appropriate action.' 

It’s a message that connects strongly with what you’ll read about confidence and action in ‘Building Self-Confidence for Dummies’. Cope says: 'It means that we have increased freedom to choose…we become free to renounce actions that might undermine our most awake experiences of ourselves. And we become free to claim actions that express who we really are.'

If all this sounds difficult, I can recommend the simplicity of his Gentle Yoga Kit with CD if you’ve never tried yoga before. I guarantee that you can begin highly stressed and an hour later, you’ll be in a much better place. It’s available on Amazon and via the Kripalu centre where he teaches in the US www.kripalu.org.

Here’s a core technique of the Kripalu yoga approach which enables you to be present in the moment rather than worrying about yesterday and tomorrow. 

• Breathe – let your breath flow freely in and out.

• Relax – Scan your body for areas of tension, soften your muscles, letting go of mental tensions.

• Feel – Be aware of the sensations moving through you in the moment.

• Watch – Silently observe your experience, neither grasping what is pleasant nor pushing away what is painful.

• Allow – Accept yourself and your experience, exactly as it is. You don’t have to change anything at all, just allow this moment and yourself to be perfect just the way it is. 

So this month, have a go at clearing your mind and listen to your body even for just a short period, and notice what effect that has for you, your work, your relationships, your life. Behave as if you have the luxury of “Nowhere to go.  Nothing to do.” And let everything be OK.

Best wishes

Kate and Brinley

kate@kateburton.co.uk

Kate’s new "Neuro-Linguistic Programming Workbook for Dummies" by Romilla Ready and Kate Burton ISBN 9780 470 51973 8 is now out on Amazon and in good bookstores. It’s the sequel to "Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies" by Romilla Ready and Kate Burton ISBN 0764570285

The best selling "Building Self-Confidence for Dummies" by Kate Burton and Brinley Platts ISBN 0470016698 is also on Amazon or contact us for signed copies.

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