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March 2006 Newsletter: The day of
your dreams
This Confidence newsletter is sent each month
to subscribers of
www.yourmostconfidentself.com from Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts, the authors of "Building
Confidence for Dummies" and creators of the Your Most Confident Self
website.
The
day of your dreams
At we get into spring, couples up and down the land will be dreaming of what
should be the happiest day of their lives: a glorious, sunny wedding day, as the
prelude to a life of fulfillment together. Like all major events, weddings take
a huge amount of planning and expense. We heard some figures recently that the
average cost of a wedding in the UK is now close to £20,000! Little wonder, then
with so much at stake, that they prove a stressful test of nerves and
confidence. Who should we invite and not invite? Will she/he arrive at the
church on time? Will the young bridesmaids tumble and tear their dresses? Will
everybody have a good time? What happens if rains or the photographs aren't up
to scratch?
When Brinley got married, Oliver, his 13-year-old son from his first marriage
was the best man. Oliver practiced his speech over and over with his dad to work
out a funny but engaging script that would last 8 to 10 minutes. His dad
insisted that he shouldn't read it out on the day and helped him to cut his
notes down to five bullet points (a good tip for any presenter). On the day,
disaster struck when he lost his notes. He was scared witless when he got up to
speak, but he had no choice but to carry on. After taking a sip of water, and
with the audience on the edge of their seats, Oliver began the first major
speech of his life with no notes of any kind. It was a wonderful triumph and you
can find out how he pulled it off in Chapter 12 of "Building Confidence for
Dummies."
How you can enjoy all the days of your dreams.
You may not be thinking of getting married but you may be facing a different
nerve-wracking occasion ahead. Perhaps at work you are organising an important
meeting, or going for that big interview for a new job. Maybe there's a
celebration coming up where you'd like to have an extra special day. In this
month's exploration we invite you to turn this stressful event in your future
into a guaranteed day of your dreams. Here's how: go into your haven if you have
one yet (see how to create one in Chapter 10 of
Building Confidence for Dummies)
or if you don't then any quiet thinking corner will do for now. Allow your
breathing to settle down, then close your eyes and begin to visualise...
First, if you are going to enjoy a day of your dreams you have to decide what
that will look like. Our fears and phobias love the dark, that's why horror
movies are usually set in dark and dingy places. So, to shine some light onto
this stressful occasion and turn it into a day of your dreams, imagine what it
will look like when you replay the video or look at the photo album in years to
come? Project yourself forward five or 10 years and see yourself leafing through
the photo album and remembering the scene. What was it that made it so memorable,
so much fun? What was scary at the time but now gives you the most satisfaction
when you look back on it? What has happened since that wouldn't have been
possible without this wonderful and significant day? Allow yourself time to let
the emotions come in and begin to connect to them. Feel how proud you are that
you were able to pull it off, smile at how apprehensive you were beforehand and
give yourself the credit for the growth you have achieved. Eventually the
pictures will naturally begin to fade and you can come out of your reverie.
Now, take a paper and pen and think about the key steps that you need to take to
make this dream a reality: write them down. If it is a big project and you don't
really know how to make it happen you might need help from someone else: who
else? What resources will you need? Do you get the idea? Now you are clear on
exactly how you want it to be it has become possible for you to organise it that
way. If you are facing a major campaign you might want to get hold of the extra,
Chapter 21 from our web site: "Ultimate
Confidence: The Power to Get Any Result You Want."
If you are still really scared when you think about this future event you should
first use one of the techniques in the book to diminish your fear. In Chapter 8:
'Using What You Already Know', we offer a simple mental exercise for you to try.
The aim here is for you to confront and diminish your fears, to leave you free
to have the day of your dreams. Here's a key excerpt:
1. Think of something you don't want to look at, something you feel fearful of
that might come up in the future. Notice how it feels.
2. Get a strong picture in your mind of what that looks like. Look at it
straight out in front of you.
3. Now put a frame around the picture - a strong black frame that contains the
image.
4. Look at the picture, and shrink it to a smaller and smaller frame. Move the
picture and frame to the bottom left-hand corner of the room until it's a tiny
little black dot in the furthest corner.
5. Notice how it feels now.
Breaking through the imaginary barriers imposed by your fears is an essential
part of becoming your most confident self. Then at least, if you cry at the
wedding, you'll know it's from tears of joy and not worries about what can go
wrong and probably never will.
As part of our commitment to write extra chapters on confidence subjects, we are
compiling 'Enjoying the Wedding Day of Your Dreams'. If you have a story or
tips to share based on your own experience, please mail them to
kate@kateburton.co.uk.
We will then send you a free copy of the chapter when it is complete.
Let us know how you get on and if we can help.
Best wishes
Kate and Brinley
kate@kateburton.co.uk
Building Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts
Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies by
Romilla Ready and Kate Burton
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