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March 2007 Newsletter: It's not
about you Then they make assumptions: "Ooh, lots of money," is the non verbal message that pops out as they mentally calculate the number of books multiplied by list price. My instinct is to inform them of the economics of the publishing world and say: "If your motivation is to make money, let that one go. First you need to be passionate about what you want to say." Writing never seems to be a straightforward journey from A to B. It's a mix of life experiences, skill and emotions with peaks of satisfaction and troughs of frustration. In many ways it can be like creating a complex tapestry in which you have an outline of the finished product yet lots of space for individual embroidery. When I put pen to paper I can never be sure of where it will take me. That's the pure fun of allowing yourself to explore, of making the space and allowing things to happen. This week I have been away for a few days travelling and instead of packing my usual pile of books to read, I took one notepad and pens. It meant I scribbled away on planes and trains in short bursts. I finished a draft chapter that I started months ago in a surprisingly short space of time and drafted two more. So last night I sent off a sample chapter and outline of my third book to a commissioning editor. This book moves across the boundary from non-fiction towards fiction and has been on the back burner of my subconscious for some time. Now I'm ready to turn up the heat. Stories, characters and ideas are flowing. It's all there. I've shared ideas with friends who are adding their own special flavourings. I just need to cook and serve it. Resistance comes the minute I question the limit of my skills and how much I have to learn. The difference that will get this new book completed is to let go. I've let go of this work being about me and decided that it needs to be out there in the world with its own message for the readers. I could procrastinate for years of my life comparing myself to great writers. Will I ever be as good as Paulo Coelho? Probably not. He started earlier and has a completely different style. And does it matter. No. I've always liked to model successful people and that was before I'd heard about NLP. In my twenties I worked for an events marketing company that promoted state of the art technology. Often I'd find myself at London hotels looking after guest speakers who flew in from the US and watched in admiration as they stepped out onto the stage and spoke to the large assembled audience. This is the kind of work that Brinley does superbly as the leader of his executive development company. "Were you nervous?" I remember asking one executive from Chicago and his reply still sticks in my mind. "I used to be. I'd be sick before a presentation. Real bad." he answered. "But the difference came when I realised it wasn't about me, it was about them. I quit thinking it had anything to do with me." He explained that he had knowledge gained through his work that he needed to give to others, and the simplest, fastest way to spread this knowledge was by travelling on the international conference circuit. He had a strong sense of service to others which I also witness in Brinley's work as he inspires business leaders to act powerfully and bring their best selves to work. One last story then is about my friend Christine who teaches flamenco dancing. To the outsider she stands tall and exudes self-confidence in every muscle of her body as she performs and one day I commented on this strength of hers. She told me: "There's a message in the dance that I need to communicate. If I thought about myself, I wouldn't be able to dance." So there's a pattern emerging here that you may recognise. This month you may like to consider how you can be of service to others and let go of your own limitations. What might be so important to communicate to the world that it overrides any lack of confidence in your own abilities? And what would be the best way for you to express it? There may be a role you play in your life where you have some special skills or knowledge, some ideas that you are passionate about - whether as a coach or writer, an IT consultant, mentor to young people, doctor, sportsperson, parent, musician or dancer - that has just got to be expressed powerfully in some way. If you need just one more push to get out there let me point you to the quote from Carl Rogers on page 115 of Building Confidence for Dummies headed "I am enough." Rogers says: "I let myself know that I am enough. Not perfect. Perfect wouldn't be enough. But that I am human and that is enough." Be bold. Have fun and a great March.
Best wishes
P.S. One of the great things about this newsletter is that we can tell you about
the feisty people we meet. Sharon Eden is celebrating International Women's Day
with her Women of Courage event next Tuesday 6 March in London. Check out
details of Sharon and her real-world approach at
www.womenofcourage.co.uk.
Building Self-Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts
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