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November 2006 Newsletter: Who's the
impostor around here?
This
Confidence newsletter is sent each month to subscribers of
www.yourmostconfidentself.com from Kate Burton and Brinley Platts,
the authors of "Building
Confidence for Dummies" and creators of the Your Most Confident Self
website.
Who's the impostor around here?
This week I was coaching a
senior manager about his career plans in a large organisation. For the sake of
confidentiality, we'll call my client William. He's a bright and energetic man
in his early 40s who's enjoyed a highly successful career on the fast track in
his professional services firm. Invite him to speak at a conference and he'll
happily engage with an audience of 100 people and enjoy every minute of it. See
him with his team and he comes across as capable, committed and confident.
William opened the session by saying to me: "You know, Kate, what this is really
about is that I'm fed up with feeling an impostor. That someone's going to find
me out."
"Tell me more," I replied.
"I've been lucky until now, my career's gone so smoothly. I've had the support
of good bosses who mentored me. I've been so lucky with
opportunities. Been in the right place at the right time, that sort of thing."
"And now, what's happening for you?" I asked.
William's put his hands on his stomach. "I have this real fear inside that I'm
going to get rumbled. People will realise that I don't know as much as they
think I know. I'm good at giving the impression that I'm more competent than I
really am."
I was curious: "And what's made you think about this now?"
"I really don't think I'm good enough for this next promotion. I don't actually
believe in myself. And if I don't believe in me, how can I expect anyone else
to?"
As we explored a whole collection of William's beliefs about himself during the
session, it became clear that he was habitually discounting clear evidence and
facts about his own talents and capabilities; the projects he'd completed
against the odds, the strong relationships he'd built. He had stopped
acknowledging that he is a successful, competent and smart manager and was
experiencing strong self doubt and feelings of being a professional fraud.
Psychologists have a name for such feelings of inadequacy. They call it the
Impostor Syndrome. People with Impostor Syndrome will display certain
characteristics. They may, for example:
1. Put their achievements down to luck
2. Ignore their successes
3. Feel like a fake who is going to get found out
4. Over-internalise failure
5. Feel a great pressure not to fail
6. Work extremely hard
7. Convince themselves that they are not as intelligent or as able as they need
to be.
At any one time, most of us can probably identify with some of these
characteristics. Or we know someone who does. They may become significant in
certain situations or times in our lives.
In William's case, they came to the fore when he reached a new challenge that
requires that he steps up to take on more responsibility and visibility in his
career. Through coaching we can work with these kinds of impostor feelings and
find practical strategies to overcome them.
The impostor syndrome is associated with high achieving, highly successful
people, especially gifted women - the kinds of people who I know subscribe to
this newsletter! It's somewhat different from the idea of low self-esteem
because there is a gap between a person's real achievement and a person's
perception of the achievement. Research seems to indicate that certain family
backgrounds and dynamics contribute to impostor feelings - where families have
unrealistic standards, are very critical or even support a child to the point of
believing they are 'perfect' or 'superior,' an image that proves too hard to
live up to in reality.
To overcome the impostor feelings, it's important to have the right kind of
support. On a one to one basis this may be with a coach, counsellor or mentor
who can help you to get a clear perspective on reality, challenge unhelpful
beliefs and achieve a balance. Or it may help to read books, meditate or listen
to CDs.
In the book "Building Confidence for Dummies", we created a whole range of tools
to enable you to listen to yourself and find your true inner voice as opposed to
the negative chattering gremlins that invade from time to time. On pages 33 and
34, for example, there are some ideas on taming the voice that suggests you're a
fraud by simply imagining a friendly parrot on your shoulder who's programmed
with the positive messages. Further on in chapter 8, we encourage you to
remember your peak experiences, those memories that will build your inner
confidence resources to bring out when you feel challenged.
You may like to consider what thoughts drop into your head automatically with
particular situations. Things like: "I can't do that." "I can think of someone
better." "I'd probably be useless at?" "I'm not the kind of person who could
ever?" What message do you need to hear each day to remind you that you are
truly good enough just the way you are? And what successes have you had that you
conveniently ignore when the going gets tough?
This month with shorter hours of daylight you have the perfect excuse to stay
home, tuck in and take stock of you who you really are - there's no room for
impostors round here!
Have a great November.
Best wishes
Kate and Brinley
kate@kateburton.co.uk
Building Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts
Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies by
Romilla Ready and Kate Burton
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