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October 2006 Newsletter: Green hair
days
This
Confidence newsletter is sent each month to subscribers of
www.yourmostconfidentself.com from Kate Burton and Brinley Platts,
the authors of "Building
Confidence for Dummies" and creators of the Your Most Confident Self
website.
Green hair days
When my elder brother Steve
hit 40 his dark hair turned a mysterious shade of metallic green. By dabbling
at home with covering up tell-tale grey hairs, he overdid the home colour kits
bought discreetly from his local chemist's shop. He lacked the confidence to
sit in the hairdresser's and have his hair professionally coloured.
So when I was power walking in the woods last Saturday morning and Linda who
leads the group said: "I've had a green hair day this week," I looked at her
glossy head and replied: "What do you mean? It looks a great shade of chestnut
to me."
As Linda told of a minor confrontation at work last week, I learnt something
new. Green hair days have nothing to do with hair dye. Instead they are days
when you get a different surprise. On green hair days, someone says something
to you, about you that is so surprising that you assume your hair has turned
green. Your reaction is: "This can't possibly be true."
Have you ever had the experience when somebody says something to you that sounds
so outrageous, so critical, so 'out of order' that it cannot be true? You know
you don't have green hair.
What can you do? First, take a reality check. Look in the mirror. Have you,
like Steve been making the same mistake over and over and now need professional
help to rectify it? If so get yourself some help fast. Phone a friend, a coach,
a counsellor or hairdresser. Do something to make the necessary change in
yourself now you've recognised the problem.
Or have you, as in Linda's case, been working with someone who is behaving badly
under pressure and blaming you for having green hair when you clearly don't?
It's time to take such situations seriously. Otherwise they weight you down,
you take on someone else's agenda and act as if it's true giving yourself bad
news about your talents and your ability until your very identity becomes
threatened. You question yourself in one area and that colour dangerously seeps
into all areas of your life.
In the book "Building Confidence for Dummies", we created a whole range of
tools to enable you to look in the mirror, do a reality check and then move on
from such green hair days. In chapter 2, we talk about toxic friends and toxic
situations that are just not right for you, and the real price you pay for
tolerating them.
Just now you may have some people around you who are telling you your hair is
green when it isn't. Or be working in a toxic situation or way that is not good
for you in the long term. We'd encourage you to make some changes, and get on
with it.
On 25 October, Brin and I are involved in "Bring YourSELF to Work Day. We've
said before that we are committed advocates of people thinking for themselves
and expressing themselves powerfully in the world. That's why we put our time
and energy into writing a practical book on confidence that is accessible to
all.
This month I have been running confident communication workshops in business and
have been surprised and saddened by the fundamental sense of unease at work and
loss of self worth experienced by many young graduates who work for intelligent
and well meaning managers. So I too have been concerned by the kinds of toxic
situations my senior coaching clients face every day at work with crazy
deadlines and unrelenting pressures. Leaders who receive powerful pressure from
their bosses. Increasingly, we all need to have more courage to stand up and
speak our truth with people who are encouraging us to have a green hair day when
we are just being ourselves and doing our best.
On 25 October you have a special chance to become aware of the person you want
to be and show more of this version of yourself at work. (And for those who
don't engage in 'work' as such, think of work as 'purposeful activity'.) Bring yourSELF to Work Day is an international day when you consider how to bring your
talents and interests to the fore rather than hiding them.
You can take part simply by going to
www.bringyourselftowork.com and have a look at the inspiring ideas
that others have tried out. Better still, register and you will receive a little
personal encouragement from the team over there.
Until then, have a great October.
Best
wishes
Kate and Brinley
kate@kateburton.co.uk
Building Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton
and Brinley Platts
Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies by
Romilla Ready and Kate Burton
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